Lacey Gaine’s Mother Speaks Out: How Could You Be So Cruel and Unjust


The below comment was written by Gilda Gaines, Lacey Gaine’s mother. She makes a strong argument against what I said in a previous post about the family turning their back on her. There are many sides to every story and while I would like very much to talk to Mrs. Gaines, I will promote her comment in the meantime so everyone can see it. Trust me. I do feel her pain as trite as that sounds. The only goal here is to get you to know Lacey as a person, learn what happened to her and equally as important find out who did it. Commentator Jessica said, “As God fearing people you should take a moment to reflect on how ungodly like all of ur actions and comments are. One day the man who did this to Lacey will be brought to justice and i promise you that it will not be because of one thing any of you did.” I hope Jessica is right about bringing whoever did this to justice. But don’t underestimate anything including what other people are doing.

I have stayed silent to these types of ignorant posts long enough. I am Lacey’s mother and I am outraged that anyone on the date of her death with no true knowledge of our family would allege that her family turned their backs on her. This is not just untrue but a cruel and slanderous act.

We loved Lacey with all our hearts. We supported her as much as she allowed us to. We tried to get her to stay home and let us help her when we discovered she was pregnant. After her child was born, we helped her financially and provided childcare for our grandson. When we discovered there was abuse in her relationship, we asked her to move back home for her protection and to receive help. She chose however to run off with another man who tried to isolate her from us. We continued to provide primary childcare for her son, providing him with anything he needed. The only thing we denied her was financial help for the rent of the Justice apartment, because we did not want her to stay there with that man and therefore would not contribute towards it. We also never, never had her emancipated for financial reasons as was previously stated by some ignorant blogger. On the contrary, during that time we continued to provide her with a car and all her necessities. The only thing we did when we found out her pregnancy was not covered by our insurance was to get her coverage through the State of IL and paid the necessary premium until she turned 18. As she was 18 when the baby was born, we had no legal control and she was free to make her own choices. We had to do the best we could to maintain contact with her.

Yes, we did argue with her about her situation. Because we were frightened by her choices and feared for her safety and our grandsons. But even though we would argue and cry and yell at times, we would always talk again the next day. We never went more than a few days without talking. We were constantly in contact with her. In fact, the night before her death we talked and she spoke of how much she wanted to come home (which was planned to happen within the next two weeks) and move back to the house we had bought for her and her son to move in to. She acknowledged that she had made some bad choices but knew she could always come home.

Is that abandonment? Is that a family who would not have laid their lives down to protect her? You do not know us, how could you be so cruel and unjust?

My sister-in-law Cherry loved Lacey. But she had not seen her in two years. She bases her views on a few phone calls with her. Perhaps when Lacey was unhappy with my views she made is sound like she was alone, but she most certainly was not. We have gone to the Justice apartment complex multiple times along with Cook County Crime Stoppers. We have canvassed the over 600 apartments and surrounding businesses and passed out hundreds of fliers offering a reward. We held a candlelight vigil at the one year anniversary and invited the press who never showed. Just because we have not spoken out publicly does not mean that we are not doing everything possible to find her killer. It is our daily prayer. We have chosen to follow the advise of the two lead detectives and act accordingly. They are at the forefront of this effort, so who else should we follow? I am sorry if I have not acted according to Cherry’s or any other interested parties wishes. But it was not their child who was killed. It is not their family that is broken. Do not tell me how to react, how to feel, what to do. You are not in this nightmare, We are.

This is a solid loving family. Lacey left behind two parents who have dedicated all their efforts to their three children. She left two brothers who loved her and struggled in every way to help her. She left two Grandmothers who adored her, one who was a caregiver to her son. She left many friends and family who loved and cared for her. And most importantly she left behind a little boy whom she loved more than anything. Every untrue word has the potential to hurt that boy as he grows. So speak wisely and think of those who are most at risk here.

Gilda Gaines

Lacey’s website: http://www.LaceyGaines.com

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Posted on December 8, 2011, in Cold Cases, Crime, Domestic Violence, Lacey Gaines and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. I am going to say this…..I have never met Lacey’s parents. She did speak good of her father but said her mom was a super bad alcoholic who was barely ever there for her. I don’t know how true this was but this is what I was told along with many other friends of Lacey’s. She said her dad helped a lot with her car and so forth. She did say that her parents helped her get a house. But with the requirement that she was to stay with the man who was abusing her who was the babies father. The reason she gave me of why she moved out of the house was because Daniel was continuing to live in it as her parents had allowed. She did say her parents helped her but was very strict on her being with the man who fathered her child. She couldn’t express it enough how her mother abused drugs and alcohol throughout her childhood. And that she was closer with her father. She also had told me that her father would like to help her more but it would strain the relationship between him and her mother. I am not saying all this is true but this is what I was told. I had asked Lacey repeatedly why she didn’t go home. She repeatedly told me that was out of the question. I do recall on afternoon of her crying to me about the damaged relationship between Lacey and her mother. So to her mother…..please understand, no one is singling you out….some of us are only pointing out what we were told. And it was pretty hard to not believe most of it when she was in tears even talking about it. You say she didn’t talk to her aunt for 2 years….that may be so but it was her aunt who she turned to and if things were as peachy as you say, then why was it her aunt she turned to who lived out of state? Please don’t take this message the wrong way, I’m only pointing out Lacey’s feelings at the time. As a mother myself I know how hard it must be to hear other people saying how your child expressed her feelings about you. My oldest is high school aged and I have gone through it myself of my child expressing lots of anger towards me, but then again he has psychological disabilities. I became a mother at age 15, at that age I grew up immediately taken on a child with many disabilities. I drink maybe 3-4 times a year, I don’t do drugs, and I honestly can not remember the last time I was out without my children. I had the best mom in the world in my eyes. She stuck by my side through thick and thin. I used to be in an abusive relationship myself and didn’t seek the help to get out. Let me tell you what my mother did as a mother and a grandmother. She took custody of my children stating to the court I was unfit to raise them being in the relationship I was in. So before you say you did everything you could of, I have to disagree. Of course my kids did and always will come first in my life and as a mother, I did what I needed to. I got out of the relationship while my mother helped me seek professional help. My mother NEVER gave up on me. Before she was able to legally force me to leave the abusive relationship she did EVERYTHING she could think to do and when that failed she figured something else out. What some mothers need to understand is when you are a mom, YOU NEVER GIVE UP!!!! If my daughter is to EVER be in any kind of abusive relationship I will fight til she is out of it and as her mom I will ALWAYS make sure she is safe. If that means parking my car under her window or sleeping on her front porch so be it! YOUR CHILDREN SHOULD ALWAYS BE WORTH IT!!! When my mother got cancer I NEVER left her side, we had that kind of bond like all mothers and daughters should have. When she was put into the hospital a week before she died I NEVER left her alone in fear she wouldn’t be taken care of properly. By all means, I’m not trying to upset you or make you feel bad because I’m not that kind of person. But I am the type to tell it like it is. Before you get angry about comments of others you should probably really look further and deeper into what you could of done differently instead of arguing how great of a mom you were. There had to be reasons of truth that made Lacey cry when she spoke of you. And even as her friend I regret the fact that I feel I should of been there more for her. But unfortunately the timing was real bad and I had just gone through losing my mom. I helped Lacey through talks and inspiration of being brave enough to leave her abusive boyfriend. And I witnessed the bruises she came to work with almost on a daily basis. Would you know that my mom NEVER went a day without seeing me and calling me at least 5 times. She had a bone disease that had her in a wheel chair and she still parked outside the home where I lived to just watch me to make sure I was safe until I came to my senses. So again, please dont plead that you did everything you could because you did know of the abuse and you sat at home while your daughter was having fists against her face until the day she died with being strangled and her throat cut. If she had plans to come home why the wait? Why wasn’t it done immediately? And how come you took the side of her abusive boyfriend? How could you continue to let the man who repeatedly beat your daughter live in a house that you paid for? All while Lacey was living in a rundown apartment complex that has numerous complaints about. As a mother, I will completely look into where my child is living. I just wanted to debate some of the things that was said here. Again, I didn’t know Lacey as a child or a teen so I can’t say for sure, but Lacey told me she was emancipated at age 16. I got pregnant at age 15 and I didn’t have to be emancipated. My mother didn’t have to adopt my child to cover him on her insurance either because I wasn’t emancipated. That isn’t making too much sense to me. What Lacey had told me was that her mother was either drunk or drugged up and her mother wore the pants in the relationship. I can’t remember exactly if she said it was booze or drugs but I know for sure she referred to her mom as an addict. I kept telling her to open up to her mom and that no mother in the world could turn her back on her child no matter what age. She then told me I didn’t know her mom. Thank you for letting me speak about what I was told. One more thing, if you are doing everything in your power right now, why is it I have never spoke with you but yet her aunt went COMPLETELY out of her way to get a hold of me from another state? Why is it her aunt who has fought since the day she died for her justice. Got radio shows, newspaper articles, etc.? I’m sorry but I see the proof there. And might I add I used to live in Justice, was born there. I was too little to know then but I do remember moving and my mom telling me that the Justice Police was corrupt. Mind you this was many years ago, but if it was my daughter who had been murdered, I would be calling and going to the police station on a daily. I would be hiring any detective I could find, I would do what I had to in order to get my daughters story out. Nancy Grace, etc.

  2. My name is Myra Spearman; I am a Survivor of Domestic Violence, Founder and Executive Director of the National Domestic Violence Registry and fierce advocate. In May, we were invited to the White House where we provided overviews of our very popular registry program which serves as a preventative tool in the fight against domestic violence. I am also a recent Magna Cum Laude College Graduate with plans on attending law school.

    Lacey asked for and wanted help! She realized that her situation was beyond her control and she reached out to me.

    Lacey was warm and endearing; I remember helping Lacey because she was desperately trying to leave a relationship that was riddled with domestic abuse. I gave her resources which included a pro-bono attorney, along with other resources; Lacey didn’t have the time to use them! She was killed soon after…

    My question is does the Justice Police Department have any leads? How often are they actually working the Lacey Murder Case? From what I’ve heard, there are leads but still no suspect? No Person of Interest? I say, shine the light on the Justice Police Department!

    We’d all like to know who is continuing to protect Lacey’s killer. If you’re interested in helping, I suggest contacting the US Justice Department and demanding that they get involved!

    The National Domestic Violence Registry posts the names of those individuals who are convicted of domestic violence or a related offense.

    Myra Spearman
    Founder/Executive Director
    National Domestic Violence Registry
    myra@thendvr.org
    http://www.domesticviolencedatabase.org

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