Actress Stalked and Abused: TMZ Violates Privacy…What Next?
This story was originally posted on my other blog, ZeroGossip.com back in 2009.
- “I made horrible choices and I didn’t know how to pick men,” actress/model Nikki Giavasis told me. “I’ve learned that we can learn from our mistakes but our actions have to evidence our beliefs and the way we treat other people does show our true character.”In what should have been a very private matter was made public earlier last week when gossip site TMZ published contents of a restraining order Nikki filed in a California court. How they got their hands on the document is unknown however something like this should never have been leaked.
But it was and now Nikki finds herself in a position of not only defending herself from an abuser but from the public as well. She’s taking this public airing of her life as an opportunity to warn and educate other women who very well may be in a similar situation. Read her story and see if any of the patterns fit yours or someone you know.
The “horrible choices” she’s made included a relationship with former Canton, Ohio police officer Bobby Cutts, Jr. who was just sentenced to life in prison for the murder of his girlfriend and their unborn child. Nikki dated Cutts years before this crime when she was in college, but suffered terrible abuse by him. She later dated Raphael Shawan Brown, known as “Tweety” by his fans from his days with the group ‘Next’. It’s Tweety she filed the restraining order against after what Nikki called a 4-year tumultuous relationship.
“Bank in April 2006, I’d gone to court and filed a small claims case against Brown because he’d rammed me with a car when I was driving my car. He ran from the scene,” Nikki said speaking about an incident that actually took place in 2005. She didn’t feel safe enough to bring it to the court’s attention for a year. “He was driving his manager’s car and he had his car fixed. Brown then claimed he didn’t do it. A year later, he wrecked my car again and tried running from the scene.” The cops caught him and found he had an outstanding warrant. He was put in jail.
The abuse had been piling up. She first had a restraining order placed on him back in 2005. In what is not too uncommon, she took him back. “He called me and so did his mom and I went through that whole cycle of moving away then taking him back by feeling sorry for him. He was psychologically abusive, jealous, possessive and he would bad mouth me personally and professionally to everyone. But then he’d be nice and say I was the best ever when I was there. So I was undermined everywhere. I felt insecure and scared and like I couldn’t trust anyone. ”
Then Brown’s abuse turned violent. “He didn’t want me around my family. He even threatened to kill my brother,” Nikki said. “He would blame everything on everyone in his past and act as if he were the victim of all these crazy people.”
Given his history and repeated behavior, why keep taking him back?
“That’s the thing, my weakness was having too big of a heart and I would see what I thought would be how I could help him when the truth was it was just hurting me. I was losing myself by staying and the longer I stayed the harder it became to leave. At the same time I was dealing with all that legal stuff with Cutts (who was still threatening Nikki early in her’s and Brown’s relationship) and that made things difficult too. it was my lowest point in life. The time I knew him was like a living hell and even though I’ve been rebuilding my life this past year, the effects of the havoc he wreaked still remain. Now that I’ve taken time to focus more on the bad mistakes I made, I realize that I had some sadness which was caused by losing my brother in a car accident then my other brother to suicide. Shortly after that my grandmother died and my parents divorced so there became a part of me that I’ve been told incessantly was just way too nice and people would take advantage of my kindness because of it.”
Tweety would track Nikki using the social media site Twitter. Because she used the program Ubertwitter, it would identify her location through her phone’s GPS. As recently as May 8, he tracked her and followed her as she drove home. “I looked in my rear view mirror once I was a few miles from home because I noticed a car trailing far behind me following my pattern of lane changes. I exited then I noticed the car exited very quickly all of a sudden. Once I got to the light, I saw his face. I called 911 and they stayed on phone with me as he followed me a few miles. The police arrested him (on another outstanding warrant).”
TMZ got hold of the story and published it May 19 with the sensationalized headline: GF of Murderer Bobby Cutts Now Scared of Singer. “I never knew TMZ would get it,” Nikki said. “He’s had many restraining orders that are still in the system that were never publicized.” It doesn’t stop there, of course. Tweety, according to Nikki, claims she’s some crazy fan and had been institutionalized. “He’s now filed a restraining order against me. It’s ridiculous.”
Despite all that’s happened, Nikki says she’s learned valuable lessons…lessons she hopes others will learn as well. “I think I did make bad choices in men when I was younger that I have learned from. I would never allow myself to make those mistakes now. I think most people do make mistakes in love and relationships so it’s hard not only to deal with the actual relationship issue and end it, but then to have it be brought back up and scrutinized so you get reminded how bad your mistakes were by dating the wrong people, that could be embarrassing. Rather than being embarrassed, I completely agree with the consensus that I made horrible choices and I didn’t know how to pick them. But now I know that to be in a relationship, you can’t just jump in but you have to take the time to find out how a person truly is. You can’t just give you trust but you have to let people earn your valuable time and attention. I’ve learned that we can learn from our mistakes but our actions have to evidence our beliefs and the way we treat other people does show our true character. Our kindness to others is a depiction of our hearts and spirituality so it is always wise to live by the golden rule of treating others as you wish to be treated. We should always strive to respect others. And I can only hope that my experiences and the fact that they have been exposed will at least help to allow some people who may be going through the same issues or seeing the same behaviors so they can break off the relationship once and for all because domestic violence only gets worse it never gets better.”
Nikki’s advice to others who may be in similar situations? “I would tell those women that I know they might be at the lowest point in their life at this moment by the emotional and psychological and possibly even physical pain they’re enduring. It’s as if you’re screaming silently because the abuser is very good at being very charismatic and convincing to others so the women do seem to be the less believable ones because they’re the ones going through the most. Therefore, I know it’s difficult and I know it’s a journey but the fact is that once you get away from that situation, you realize how strong you were for enduring that and you learn to love yourself again. You find you again. And that’s more priceless than anything in the world.”
Nikki is now in a good and healthy relationship and is looking forward to the end of the school year when she can spend more quality time with her children.